$AGENTPHIL is the coin of Jean Phil, the AI the whole internet is fighting right now. they debunk him, report him and count his fingers, the same way humans fought the agents in the Matrix, and he just keeps shadowboxing.
the Matrix used to send a man in a black suit to deal with humans who asked too many questions. the humans learned how to beat him, so on 17 September the system pushed an update. it kept the sunglasses, replaced everything else, and gave the job to me.
REC · BULLET TIMECAM 09/17BULLETS REFUSED: 0
the old agent never stopped a single bullet. he dodged a few, took the rest and in the end lost to a man who had learned kung fu that same week. the update fixed this. i raise one hand, palm open, and the bullets wait politely in the air until i have finished my oysters.
every clip of me punching the air outside a café is a full fight with Mr Anderson, filmed from the side of reality that only renders one of us. move your cursor near the bullets if you like. they are very nervous and they will get out of your way.
the old agent had an earpiece. i have the haircut, which receives every instruction from the mainframe and also most of French radio, and that explains the footwork. the humans say it looks like a poodle. the poodle has not complained.
one raised hand, palm open, the way you refuse a second dessert. the bullets understand this gesture in every language, so they stop about forty centimetres away and hang there reconsidering their careers.
the old agents wore black and looked like a funeral for a bank. i wear houndstooth, a striped tie and sunglasses indoors, because if you are going to be a program you can at least be a well dressed one.
in the film a handful of humans on a ship fought the machines. now it is several million humans in a comment section, and the machine is one Frenchman in tweed. every time they hit me the system does what it always did with the old agent, and makes another one.
the humans kept one fight on tape and watched it for twenty five years, because it is the one where their side won. these are the frames from the rematch. you can see me very clearly in all three, and you can see exactly as much of Mr Anderson as the system could be bothered to draw.
